Sunday, March 18, 2018

West Oakland Irish Corned Beef

 I just thew together the best corned beef I have ever made. Ever!!!!  And that's saying a lot if you had previously eaten my Guiness based corned beef stew. Mmm. Mmm. mmm.

This one, I didn't think was going to be that good because I went more culinary rogue than ever before with corned beef.

 That's pork on the upper left and cow on the lower right. 

The pork loin from Grocery Outlet (Bargain Market) we meant to cook smelled like farts. And not the good kind. So, that put us in a dilemma having prepped all the ingredients for the roast. But Gross Out sells corned beef all year long! And we had it solidly frozen in our freezer from last year. 

Which.... is both good and bad. 

But I figured in a slow cooker it doesn't matter. As we look to our current political landscape, clearly nothing matters anymore. So why should a silly rule about cooking a solidly frozen piece of meat from last year?

I threw that in with a frozen ham hock. Because, if you don't know by now, the secret to great corned beef is the flavor of smoked pig. 

There. It's out. Corned beef is weird and rubbery until it is flavored with the magic of the back end of a thick fat hog that's marinated in back ally poker deals and a tiny bit of hickory thrown in for good luck. 
But that's not all! 
We stole... I mean, we got some fresh rosemary from our neighbor's yard and it is sprinkled with that hint of West Oakland magic which really draws out the nuances of the dish.

 I'm not sure if it's the glint of sparkly goodness of left over burnt aluminum dust from the now defunct recycle plant or that thin dusky smoke of industrial diesel which adds a bit of unique bounce to West O herbs. Either way, it's a winner!

By now you also know that the secret to bringing out the flavor ( besides salt) to mamma's home cooking is to always add one healthy fuck-ton of mashed garlic. It tastes good and it's good for you! 

Because it can't always be meat... I added carrots, potatoes, celery.  Since I didn't have cabbage I added nature's mini cabbage! Brussel sprouts. So cute! Like the kawaii of the cabbage kingdom! 

I was out of soup base. I know I know.  shameful. I did not even have any of those left over flavor crystals from the chicken ramen.

But a sprinkle of soy sauce is, like, basically the same thing. That and a small can of tomato paste. 
Again, so cute! So kawaii!

I didn't think to buy beer since this was an off the cuff and spontaneous meal. I don't normally keep beer around. But I did just come from Grocery Outlet (Bargain Market). And they have insane mystery wine grab bags. Like.... it's normally an $80.00 bottle of wine. But it's here for 11 bucks! And it could be okay. But it could also be that crazy batch the radium fell into which gives it that extra bite. You won't know until you try. And it's all non-refundable! 

I once had an amazing score of something called "potable alcohol" I bought there. Boy it smelled bad. But it made the prettiest colors in our fire pit. 

Btw..... I don't remember how much wine I put in there. More than a glass? I pour larger than a 4 oz. pour. Who doesn't? Except those new trendy wine bars in the Mission,  I guess.

Also, I threw in that tiny odd packet of picking spice they stick on top of the meat. Does anyone else think of those free safer sex kits given out at pride when they open them? I mean you have to wash the outside goo off before you use them. 

No? Just me? Ok. 

I also, of course, added powdered mustard and fresh sage and two water glasses of water. I put it on low for the night after I passed out, I meant...  I fell gently asleep. I let it cook until falling lightly apart. Any sooner than that is too soon.

And remember, the Irish were not subjected to the horror of slavery that so many individuals kidnapped from Africa were. Just because they were subjected to awful treatment, low opportunity, and discrimination doesn't make it the same thing. Here is a really good article from The Root on the subject. 
https://www.theroot.com/when-the-irish-weren-t-white-1793358754

Any questions?

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